


The Art of Touch (these feelings that we can't control)

by Elora_Lane



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellamy deserves better, Bellamy gets his shit together, Bellarke, Emotions, F/M, Healing, I'm least spiteful person you know, Joint dreams, Phantom Touches, Post 7x12, Smut, Soulmates, Talk of past suicidal ideation, That is all, and J Roth didn't fuck this one up, and here it is, anyway, clarke and bellamy are in love, mild panic attack, seriously, strange orgasms, theres something about skyring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:07:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26187682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elora_Lane/pseuds/Elora_Lane
Summary: After Clarke is wounded on Sanctum, Bellamy decides that he can't lose her again.Not long after he saves her, they realize Skyring has a different set of laws than other planets they've been on.They quickly find themselves overwhelmed- in the best kind of way.Title from the song Unfold by Alina Baraz and GalimatiasWritten for the 100 writers for BLM Initiative. Prompted by Alwaysdreamingofmiracles
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 41
Kudos: 115
Collections: The t100 Writers for BLM Initiative





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aneta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aneta/gifts).



_“What the hell happened here?” Clarke spoke, a mixture of confusion, anger, and panic rising in her heart._

_“Gee, where to begin."_

_Murphy? What the hell... why was he tied up?_

_Clarke looked around and froze. As her gaze landed on Russell- No,_ _Sheidheda_ _, she felt her chest burn with anger, “What are you doing out of lock up?”_

_Behind her, she heard_ _Cadogan_ _tell someone to start entering the code._

_“You really should’ve killed me when you had the chance,_ _Klark_ _kom_ _Skaikru_ _,”_ _Sheidheda_ _said darkly, “the only thing that would make this sweeter would be if_ _Madi_ _was here to watch. But I’m afraid we don’t have time for formalities.”_

_Just as she was about to speak, he yelled,_ _“Fire!”_

_Shots rang out, and the sickening sound of flesh ripping met Clarke’s ears. In shock, she touched her side to find black blood spreading thickly on her fingers. Several voices seemed to yell at once, but as her ears rang, all she could decipher were strong arms that pulled her away from the chaos as everything went black._

_“Get a Doctor!” Bellamy yelled before the green of the anomaly had even faded, “Clarke’s been shot!”_

_As he tried desperately to keep the pressure on her wound, he found that only Gabriel and Raven dared to help him, “Bill, Doucette, please!”_

_The two exchanged a severe look before Bill moved forward, “Bellamy, as you know our medical services are quite limited, and they are only for our disciples, not for known murderers and traitors.”_

_Recognition, cold as ice poured down Bellamy’s back- what the hell was he saying?_

_He must have said it out loud, because only a moment later Doucette was next to him, trying to pull him away from Clarke, “Brother, please,” he said, as Bellamy held onto Clarke for dear life._

_“No!” he said, gathering her into his arms, “you won't help me, I’ll take her myself.”_

_Even as he turned,_ _Cadogan_ _was there standing tall, “I’m sorry, Bellamy. We can’t save her. Her death will not be in vain.”_

_“It will be if we can stop it!” Bellamy insisted._

_“Remember, the many over the few,”_ _Cadogan_ _said, “What is it I saw in Octavia’s memories?”_

_Bellamy stood silent as the man found his words, “Ah, yes,” he sighed, “her fight is over.”_

_“Not yet, it isn’t,” he said, turning back to Gabriel, “do you know the code for penance?”_

_Gabriel nodded, his eyes moving from Doucette to_ _Cadogan_ _._

_“Go ahead, Gabriel,” Bill said, “I’m sorry to see a good soldier go. But your loyalty never did change, did it?”_

_“It was honestly stupid of anyone to think it had,” Raven said, her watery eyes meeting Bellamy’s as she reached forward with her helmet, and whispered, “take the helmets, so you don’t forget when you come back.”_

_With a little nod, Bellamy let her put it on him and set one on Clarke’s stomach. Without a word, he watched her slide something else into the helmet, “bring her back, alive.”_

_“I promise,” he said._

_“Bellamy,”_ _Cadogan_ _called out, “You should stay in penance, you won't like what you get if you come back here.”_

_Without a word, Bellamy stepped into the newly formed green light. He knew whatever will for survival he possessed, would quickly be extinguished should Clarke die._

* * *

Clarke woke slowly, a heaviness lifting from her limbs as if consciousness were a foreign concept. The cool cloth on her forehead seemed to remind her chapped lips and sticky mouth that she was indeed very, very thirsty. 

Opening her eyes, she turned to see a vision of a broad-backed man, kneeling in front of where she lay. She could just barely see dark curls before her head began to spin. Closing her eyes again, she listened while a rag was wrung out, and a distinct voice met her ears. 

“I know you can’t hear me, but I get it, Clarke. The worry. why you talked to me every day, I did the same thing, I would look at Earth and talk to you. and I thought you were dead."

"We’ve only been here for a couple of weeks, and I’m trying to be patient.” he said, letting out a long breath, “it’s tougher than it was before. This time, I'm helpless.” 

Bellamy’s soft-touch met tender flesh with a sting. When had she been hurt?

“But I’m also dreading you waking up. God, Clarke, you must hate me. I put you at risk. I- I never should have done that.” 

She tried not to make a noise. Although she could sense his anguish, she wasn’t ready to talk to him. She heard more shuffling before he was back by her side. This time, he gently coaxed her jaw open and let a few drops of water fall into her mouth before he smeared some sort of salve on her lips with his own finger, “that should help the chapping, I’ve been trying to get the garden in order. and I caught Jellyfish the other day."

Clarke was already fading back to black when she felt the press of lips on her forehead and heard a pleading voice say, “please, wake up.” 

Clarke woke sometime in the evening to the crackling of flames, and the sound of water boiling. Opening her eyes, she found the small room she was in alight with a glow. As she tried to move, she pulled her stomach a little too hard and found herself in blinding pain. Biting her lip, she tried not to scream.

Bellamy must have been close because he was there in no time. 

“Hey, hey,” he said, coming into the room and helping her up, “don’t bust the stitches.” 

“Water,” she croaked, “please.” 

As Bellamy raced to get her a drink, she looked around and caught her breath. On a lonely chair, she saw scraps of cloth- white cloth. Carefully, she let her fingers trace over her wound, the bandage went around her waist, and had a familiar pattern sewn on it. 

After Bellamy helped her drink, he asked if he could check the stitches. Clarke nodded, watching him closely as he went and washed his hands. Grabbing a small square of cloth, he came back to her, and pulled back her dressing, “I know you don’t like the outfit that I was wearing,” he said, smiling, “but it saved your life- there was a lot of fabric to work with.” 

“Wait, you ruined the uniform? Was that allowed?” she asked, confused. 

“Well, probably not. But I don’t really care,” he said. 

When Clarke was silent, he went on, “I left them when they refused to treat your gunshot wound,” he said, carefully maneuvering the clean scrap over what was left of her wound, “It was hard to see at first, but I got the bullet out. We were lucky, relatively speaking. You got shot with a handgun instead of the semi-automatic weapons they had. 

“What about the others? Are they here?” 

Bellamy swallowed thickly, “No, I came here to bide our time. We needed to get you better, and then decide what to do about the situation in Sanctum, and Bardo. However long we’re here will be like a blink of an eye to them.” 

Clarke nodded, her eyes tracking him as he pulled away, “how long have we been here?” 

“A couple of weeks now. You lost a lot of blood, I didn’t think, I was afraid-” he stammered, looking away. However, he wasn’t fast enough, and Clarke saw the tears glistening in his eyes, “Then you got a fever- not sure why, but you were delirious, not making any sense. I’m glad you’re back.” 

“Me too,” she said, suddenly quite aware of just how close they were. Bellamy seemed determined to relish the fact that she was alive and wasn’t at all shy about keeping his eyes on her. As his eyes briefly looked down to her lips, she felt a warmth, like that of a kiss, settle there. The feeling grew deeper- until she felt like she was actually being kissed. 

Taken aback by the sensation, covered her mouth with her hand. _What the hell?_ She thought as she willed them to return to normal, and along with them, her erratically beating heart. She tried not to be too obvious about her shock. However, Bellamy was quick to take the hint and stood up, “I made some jellyfish soup. It’s awful, but I tried.” 

“I’ll be the judge,” she said, finding it hard not to blush as she took his hand. 

Days passed with little to no conversation. Clarke wasn’t ready to really talk to Bellamy... not after his betrayal. 

He seemed to pretend that nothing at all happened. That they were merely coexisting. Most of the time, Clarke didn’t let him touch her, but when they walked, he had to hold her, and for just a minute, she’d pretend that nothing bad had ever happened. That he’d never made Madi the commander, and never had that hallucination in a cave. 

What she couldn’t forget was her own mistakes; all the times she should have told him she loved him but didn’t. All the times she thought she lost him, only to hide her feelings because there was never a good time to share. She also couldn’t forget her own betrayal. There was a deep-seated fear inside her that something had been broken, and it could never be put back together. Maybe that’s why he’d betrayed her because she broke his heart one too many times. 

Perhaps she’d lost him forever. 

“You okay?” he asked, his arm supporting her body, as they walked the path. 

“Why’d you do it?” she asked, “and I don’t want your hallucination story. Why did you choose that cult over everyone you love?” 

Bellamy stopped, taking a deep breath, “I- I wanted to stop loving. To stop hurting,” he said, “I thought that if I could give up what I loved the most, then I’d be free of pain. But I was wrong.” 

“Was it worth it?” she asked, looking him in the eye. 

At that, Bellamy let out a sigh, “No, and I wish you’d never see the man I was on Bardo, Clarke. I wish- it could have been different."

Bellamy swallowed thickly before his eyes looking at her with some sort of tenderness. As he looked at her, Clarke felt that phantom touch again, this time, it was a mirror of the way he’d smoothed her hair years ago, before hugging her. It almost broke her, feeling the embrace that preceded the end of the world. 

“I couldn’t shut out my heart, not when it’s always screamed one thing at me.” 

And just for a moment, Clarke let herself imagine wrapping her arms around him, too, like she had then. Like she had when there were no barriers between them. 

Bellamy sucked in a breath, and his cheeks grew red. For just a moment, a confused look crossed his features.

"Are you okay?" Clarke asked, "you look like you got punched in the stomach." 

Shaking his head, he offered a smile, “the tomatoes are ready, as is the spinach. Are you interested?” 

“At least it's not Jellyfish again,” she quipped. 

It took an entire week before Clarke’s wound was healed enough for her to bathe alone. Of course, Bellamy did what he could for her while she’d been indisposed, but she still didn’t feel clean. So, taking the stick he’d made for her, she made her way out to the lake. 

It was beautiful and reminded her of the water on Earth. In fact, the entire planet reminded her of Earth, and Clarke couldn’t help but be reminded of the dropship days. How different she and Bellamy had been. How she’d seen him clearly the day he killed Dax- the first time he saved her. They'd saved each other. 

How many more people would they hurt and kill just trying to stay alive? 

Swallowing thickly, Clarke shook her head and began to strip. Bellamy told her she didn’t need to be afraid of anything in the water. The Jellyfish were further out, and it seemed that he was right. Slowly, she got in and let the water melt away her stress. Closing her eyes, she thought of the valley, how she’d eagerly awaited Bellamy’s arrival just so she could enjoy the small lake there with him. Thinking back, it likely wouldn’t have worked because of the radiation, but a girl could dream. 

Back then, a bath was the only chance she really had to think about all the other things she’d wanted to show him when he got back, too. She’d made herself come with just her fingers so many times, she was always left aching for more. More than a fantasy- more than a vision conjured of the man she loved. After a time, she’d stopped because the ache of being empty was worse than the lack of orgasms, plus, she found it tougher and tougher to have free time. 

Maybe it was the thoughts of her attempts in the valley, but steadily, Clarke found herself growing warm. Her breath caught, while the sensation of warm hands caressed her stomach before they traveled up to her tits and gave her a firm squeeze. 

_“What the-”_ she moaned before she was silenced by the feel of lips traveling the column of her neck. In a lustful daze, she tried to investigate the water, was there some weird sex fish in this lake? As she felt what seemed like a large palm rest on her center, she had to admit there was nothing there with her... 

Maybe she fell and hit her head a little too hard when she got shot? Closing her eyes, Clarke let her head tip back and rest on a rock, as the sensations took her away. So what, if this was weird? As long as she didn’t get caught, she didn’t think random orgasms were _that bad._

_No,_ it really wasn’t bad, as she felt the sensation of thick fingers filling her up, stroking her just right. 

“Oh, god,” she moaned, biting her lip as she tried to keep quiet. She let her own fingers travel to her clit. However, before she could press on it, some phantom did it for her, and Clarke came hard her hips stuttering, and her pussy clenching over imaginary fingers- fingers that felt so, so real. It felt like fingers that she knew well, fingers that she’d craved for so long... And, well, if she imagined herself making out with (and just _maybe_ blowing) Bellamy, she couldn’t really blame herself. 

He didn’t need to know. 

There wasn’t much to do on Skyring, so Clarke filled her time with watching Bellamy work, helping him, and ignoring the elephant in the room. 

What had happened between him and Cadogan? 

Finally, after they harvested the first round of sweet peas, Clarke found the courage to ask him. 

“He wanted me to let you die, and I wouldn’t, Clarke. I don’t know what more there is to say.” 

“I don’t understand why it’s a big deal for you to save me. We’ll be back there to help him soon. It wouldn't be more than a day for him... plus, he needs me, right?” 

“Maybe,” he said, putting the sweet peas in the pile, “But he was testing me, seeing if I would choose my love of one person, over my love of all. He never really thought I’d changed. And he was right,” Bellamy said, his eyes coming up to look at Clarke, “I’m weak and selfish, and as long as you’re alive I will always be that way.” 

“Bellamy, I-” 

“It’s okay, I’d rather be selfish, if it means you get to live,” he said, letting out a breath as he paused his task, and gave her all his attention, “I realized something as you were bleeding out. Every time you’ve died on me, I’ve lost it. I lost my heart first time, to prove that I could use my head- like you wanted me to. I tried to lock up my grief and throw away the key... Then I lost my mind with Josephine. I trashed the palace, I wanted to kill them all, Clarke. Again, I tamed myself to try to do what _you_ would want. This time, if you had _really_ died. Let's just say that here’s no me without you, and I’ve finally accepted it.” 

As a tear rolled down her cheek, Clarke quickly wiped it away. Bellamy seemed to be close to losing his composure, too. As his pained eyes took her in, he apologized, “Clarke, I am _so_ sorry that I hurt you, that I got you hurt. I will never do that again."

Clarke considered answering, but her heart was racing, and her throat was tight.

After a moment Bellamy sighed, "You don't need to say anything now, but I don’t want to lose you. Not when you’re right in front of me.” 

Suddenly, Clarke felt the warmth of a hand holding hers, only to look down and find that it wasn’t the case. 

Full of empathy, she gave him a soft smile and nodded, “I forgive you,” she said, her hand finding his and giving it a small squeeze, “But I have to say I disagree.” 

“What do you mean?” Bellamy asked, his hand turning to hold her own. 

“I don’t think that love is selfish, or weak,” she offered, remembering Lexa’s words all those years ago, “I think it’s what gives us purpose and it helps us keep our humanity. It’s what makes life worth living.” 

She couldn’t stop the tears that welled in her eyes. It was a hard thing to handle, the sudden memories of all the moments she almost gave up. All the moments where it would have been easier to put a bullet in her head, rather than hold on to hope. Knowing that Bellamy would have felt the same way, made her want to protect him.

Not for the first time, she was glad she’d held on. 

Things were good for a while. 

If Clarke hadn’t seen Octavia and spoken to her in that cell, she would have doubted the whole time dilation thing and would have been eager to get off Skyring. But truth be told, Clarke needed the break. And it seemed as if Bellamy did, too. Not to mention, they were nowhere near having an actual plan. 

So, they grew their plants, caught Jellyfish together, went swimming, and went for long walks. It took a while, but they got comfortable together. Much more comfortable than they had ever been, really. 

So, when the first storm came, Clarke didn’t hesitate to order him into her bed. 

“Bellamy,” she hissed toward him on the floor, “Bellamy!” 

“Wha- what?” 

Clarke rolled her eyes, the man could sleep anywhere, if he wanted to. 

“Come sleep with me?” she asked, realizing how it sounded only after she’d said it. 

“Well, if you insist,” he said, the sarcasm dripping off his lips, as he stood up and stretched. Turning over, Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she clarified, “I don’t really like storms, so... will you just lay with me?” 

“Of course,” he said, no remnants of a joke left in his voice as he got under the covers and laid down, “Um, how do you want to do this?” 

With a little chuckle, Clarke pulled his arm over her waist and pressed it against her stomach, “Is that alright?” she asked, her throat tightening as she realized it felt familiar- like that day at the beach. But that was impossible, it couldn’t be the same. 

“Uh, yeah,” he said, his voice sounding rough, as he pressed it against her stomach, “how’s your wound?” 

“It’s fine,” Clarke murmured, her body growing warming with him behind her, “hey, Bellamy?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Did, anything happen to me? When I was shot?” 

“Other than you almost dying from blood loss?” he asked, and as Clarke made a little noise of affirmation, he continued, “no, nothing I can think of why?” 

Clarke swallowed, what if she was insane? The mysterious touches had continued here and there. They were sensual when Bellamy was away. Sweet and tender when he was around. Clarke had no idea if he was having a similar experience or not. 

“I don’t know, I keep getting these weird feelings. Like someone is touching me. but its,” she said, knowing it sounded weak, “like, intense.” 

“Okay, what kind of sensations?” Bellamy asked, his voice sounding concerned.

“Nevermind,” Clarke said, she was crazy, she had to be. And if she was, she definitely didn’t need Bellamy to know she was having mysterious touches, that would occasionally satisfy her sexual needs. No, this was too weird, even for them. 

Suddenly Clarke felt a little tickle in her ear. Nothing crazy, just what happened when her hair wasn't laying right. As it got worse, Clarke moved to smooth it out. 

Much to her surprise, there wasn't anything there. 

"You okay?" Bellamy asked, as Clarke pulled her hand back, and tried to get comfortable.

"Yeah, just a little tickle," she said, "it happens sometimes." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke enjoy living together and growing closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this because Bellamy deserves better. and we all agree.
> 
> Note: I wrote this like a week ago. Any irony is completely unintentional. I swear.

Clarke stopped digging into the fresh ground for a moment and wiped the sweat off her brow. It was hot out, and she was being tortured by it. 

It wasn’t long before she found herself rather distracted by a shirtless Bellamy Blake in the plot next to her. It didn’t escape her attention, the fact that he was more muscular than the last time she’d seen him with his shirt off-- back at the dropship. And as he worked, she found herself thinking about how she wanted to run her hands down his chest, his abs, and how she wanted to-

“What’s on your mind, Clarke?” he asked, looking right at her. 

Fuck, she’d been caught. 

“I uh,” she scrambled for an answer, and well, there was one thing she’d been thinking of before, “I was thinking about how this is the most time we’ve ever spent together, alone.” 

Bellamy gave her a thoughtful look before he smiled gently, “I know,” he said. They’d been on Skyring for about two months now, and Clarke found herself basking in the domesticity of it. They talked about everything- he even told her all about his time on The Ring, how he thought about her all the time, how he felt in his bones that she wasn’t dead, but he’d refused to let himself believe it. He even told her how he and Echo got together, which admittedly seemed a little insensitive on Bellamy’s part, especially since he knew the dynamic was off- Echo loved him far more than he loved her. Clarke told him about the valley, all that had happened with Madi; she even told him a little about the radio calls. However, she didn’t admit that she’d said she loved him on them... Because, what would that achieve? 

There was one other thing they didn’t talk about, and that was Sanctum. Clarke didn’t talk about the Primes or Josephine. They both hardly mention whatever the hell it was they saw on Sanctum. Clarke had heard something about Sheidheda before she was shot; she thought it was Indra who said it. 

“I’m glad it's just us here,” Bellamy admitted, “I mean, I’m concerned about O and Madi, and the others, but I think it's important, to have some time to regroup, to figure out one another again.”

Clarke laughed a little at that, “you make us sound like an old married couple, Bellamy,” she said, shaking her head and brushing dirt off the potato she’d just unearthed. 

“You never know,” he said, continuing his work with a smile, “crazier things have happened.” 

Clarke merely rolled her eyes; the guy had to so sarcastic. However, this time, Clarke decided to give it right back, “Well, I promise not to cause you bodily harm, if that’s the case.” 

“Well, don’t be too soft on me,” Bellamy teased, “there's nothing wrong with a little pain.” 

Clarke waited up, as the winds howled, and the cabin shook. She stood in front of a dwindling fireplace, pulling one of the few blankets tighter around her. Bellamy had left this morning, following what he said were animal tracks, and didn’t make it home for lunch or dinner. 

What if he’d fallen in a ditch? What if he’d gotten lost? 

At least she didn’t have to worry about anyone killing him; only nature could get the best of him here. 

Even then, Clarke worried incessantly. She wasn’t even going to try to sleep, not when Bellamy could be out there and hurt. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the blanket off and started to look through the clothing for something at least a little warm. 

Finding a thin jacket, Clarke put it on and grabbed her walking stick. As soon as she opened the door, though, there was Bellamy- with what looked like a pair of goats. 

“Clarke?” he asked, taking her in, “going for a walk?” 

“No, uh,” she found herself blushing, and he smiled at her, “I was going to look for you.” 

“You do care?” he pretended to scold her, and Clarke couldn’t help but roll her eyes. 

“One of these is pregnant, the other is younger, I think,” he said, “I figured we could use them for milk or cheese. if one has a male, the other could breed.” 

Clarke stared at him, “are you becoming a farmer?” 

“Just trying to feed us,” he said, tying the goats around the post in the middle of the floor. Letting out a heavy sigh, he began to strip out of his wet clothing. Clarke swallowed and looked away, trying to give him privacy. But something told her that Bellamy didn’t care about that, “I’m sorry I worried you,” he said, walking over to grab the cloth undergarment that they’d been using as a towel- that’s what that Disciples’ outfit had been good for. It was a lot of fabric- very useful.

As he dried his face, Clarke looked at his back muscles ripple. She’d been doing that more and more, watching him, picturing herself wrapped around him, getting her hands on him, making him feel good. Giving in to the habit, Clarke pictured it happening now. Much to her surprise, Bellamy let out a groan, “You gotta stop doing that, Clarke,” he said, his voice wrecked. 

“What?” she asked, wondering what she’d done wrong. 

Bellamy let out a long sigh and turned toward the bedroom, “you haven’t figured it out yet, have you? What happens when we think about each other?”

Heat rushed to Clarke’s cheeks, as her stomach dropped from embarrassment. Was he _really_ implying that they could feel one another’s lustful thoughts?

“I-,” she breathed, just as she felt heavy hands grip her hips, “ _ what? _ ”

Bellamy sat on the bed and stared right at her, with his eyebrows raised as she felt a hand on her cheek, and a kiss on her forehead, “see?” he said.

“I- I don’t understand,” she said, her throat tight with embarrassment, “wait, how long have you known?”

“That tickle on your ear about a month ago?” he said, his index finger coming to press his chest, “me.” 

Clarke had thought about all sorts of dirty things while stuck here with him, “this is... embarrassing,” she said, making Bellamy laugh hard.

“Maybe a little,” he said, “but also, it’s not bad.” 

“What are you saying?” she asked, her gaze falling to the ground.

“I’m saying, you’re very creative. And very... frustrated.”

There was no hint of a joke in his voice, and Clarke could feel heat pooling in her stomach and between her thighs- fuck, just talking about lusting after Bellamy had her all hot and bothered. Panicking a little, Clarke considered kissing him for a moment, before she changed her mind, “I should go,” she said, only to find that rain was falling hard. 

“Look if you don’t feel the way I do, I’ll never mention it again,” Bellamy said, his hand brushing his neck,  “I- uh, guess I misinterpreted things.” 

Now Clarke was breathing hard, as panic knotted in her stomach. Part of her knew that this was Bellamy, and he was safe. He won't hurt her. He saves her. And yet, her heart raced, while her body began to shake, and her throat threatened to close. Feeling dizzy, she ran her hands through her hair and slowly slid down the wall to the ground. 

“Clarke? Hey?” Bellamy asked, and suddenly he was right there, with his hands cradling her, “there you are. You passed out.” 

Bellamy handed her the small cup of water he had and looked at her softly, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything, I know the whole thing is weird. I should have just kept it to myself.” 

She could feel tears springing forth and shook her head, “no, it’s not you. It’s that I’m afraid.” 

“What?”

“When Josie was in my head, it just... nothing was mine. And this isn’t the same; it just triggered the panic I felt when I realized she was controlling me.” 

“You remember what happened?”

Clarke nodded, “In my Mindspace- that’s what Josie called it- It was my cell from the skybox, and there were all these drawings on the wall,” she said.

“What were they of?” 

“Everyone,” she admitted, “but yours was the biggest, and I kept telling myself it was because you were my best friend.” 

“But I’m not?” he asked, looking away from her.

“You are,” she admitted, “but I don’t know if it’s ever been just that.” 

“Why’d you pass out?” he asked, confused, “because it scares you?” 

“It does scare me,” she admitted, “I’ve lost everyone been in love with. But that’s not why. I need space to think sometimes, fresh air, and I was stuck.” 

“The rain?”

Clarke nodded, and Bellamy smiled, “okay,” he said, “I’ll fix that.” 

“You can’t  _ will _ the rain to stop,” she laughed, the idea sounding ridiculous, but then again, so was the touch thing.

“I’ll give you some space,” he said, his voice soft and kind, “feel free to come to bed when you’re ready.” 

Clarke nodded as she watched Bellamy go into the room and close the door. Then she sat near the window and watched as the rain fell. After a few minutes, she felt warm arms around her, and the squeeze of a soft hug. 

Then it was gone.

Clarke realized that she didn’t want to be out there alone. No, she wanted to go in there with him. She wanted to touch and be touched, to talk about all the things they never get to discuss as they're running for their lives and fighting for another day. 

The only thing that had kept them from being something more was circumstance- and right now, there was no fight, no desperate rescue mission, no brainwashing, and no wars. 

There was just Clarke and Bellamy.

And, for the first time, there was time. 

Chewing her lip, Clarke walked the short distance to the room. Opening the door, she found Bellamy on the floor; he’d clearly given up the bed so she could have it, “Bellamy,” Clarke whispered, as she looked down to find his eyes already on her, “I decided I don’t want to be alone.” 

He nodded at her then and began to get up. As he took her hand, Clarke felt a jolt of some energy. It was as if whatever psychic thing that was happening to them connected with the  physical, making even that small gesture more intense. 

Turning around, Clarke sat him on the bed. Keeping her eyes on him, she brushed the trim of her shirt lightly before defying her nerves and just taking it off. Immediately, Bellamy’s jaw dropped, and it took him a moment before he could school his expression. As Clarke watched him swallow, she began to pull down her leggings. 

“Clarke,” he began, looking over her form, “we don’t have to do anything. That wasn’t my intention when I said something.” 

Even as he said it, Clarke felt a warm and heavy hand brush her cheek, as his lips made their way down her neck to her breasts. Looking down, she wasn’t surprised to see him half-hard, “do you want me to stop?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Bellamy merely shook his head as Clarke settled on his lap. Already in boxers, she could feel him growing hard against her already throbbing center, “I’m scared, too, Clarke,” Bellamy confided, “I’ve been terrified of losing you for as long as I can remember. I have you now, and if I lose you... I don’t know if I could-” 

Clarke cut him off with a kiss. Otherwise, she wasn’t going to be able to do this, and she’d likely cry herself to sleep. 

“I won’t make promises,” she said, leaning her forehead against his, “because they seem to tempt fate. Which I think has it out for us at times.” 

Bellamy let out a little laugh as Clarke pulled back to take him in under the moonlight, “but I will say, as long as I’m breathing, I’m not going anywhere. No more leaving, no more pushing you away.” 

With watery eyes, Bellamy pulled her close. It was like all their hugs in some ways, except for the fact that there was so much of their skin pressed together in some strange attempt to become one with the other. The pair held on like that for a bit, before Bellamy pulled her into bed with him, and they landed on their sides, as laughter rang out through the room. 

As silence fell over them, Clarke felt her cheeks grow warm, “I’m nervous,” she admitted lowly. 

“Me too,” Bellamy breathed. 

“Maybe we can just, I don’t know,” Clarke said, thinking, “kiss a bit?” 

At that, Bellamy’s eyebrows arched, and he smirked at her, “are you saying you want to make out with me, Clarke?” 

“Oh, god,” she scoffed, pushing him, “we aren’t fourteen, Bellamy.” 

He laughed again lightly, “you’re right,” he said, toning down his smile, “how about we just start like this?”

As he ended the sentence, Clarke felt his hand take hers. Looking between them, she was a bit in awe of how big it looked with hers in it. While she closed her eyes and held his hand, she felt a peace fall over her. It was something akin to drinking jo juice. Gentle, relaxing, fun... but it could carry you away. 

Opening her eyes, Clarke found Bellamy staring right at her, his eyes soft, “I thought you’d fallen asleep on me.” 

Before she could talk herself out of it, or psych herself out, she pulled her hand from his and brought him in for a kiss. There was nothing soft or sweet about it. It was years of bottled up lust, love, and tension pouring out of them all at once. 

Clarke had imagined this moment far too many times to count. But never in her mind did she imagine not drawing it out. In her mind, she was going to go down on him, he would eat her out, and then they’d make love slowly, or have a fast fuck. Whatever they needed most. 

It wasn’t like that, though. 

Making love to Bellamy was like walking into the anomaly; it swept Clarke up. Eventually, she found herself lying beneath him, her body twisted to fit his. As she clutched onto him, he kissed and pounded into her with all he had. With each snap of his hips, Clarke felt the hot coil of pleasure twist higher and higher. The sensations felt as if they were heightened. Pleasure she’d never felt before bubbled over her. As a bright white light carried her away, she felt herself tighten around him, releasing all that  pent-up tension that she’d held within her for years. Never once had she been able to come from penetration alone- and yet, as he dragged his pelvis over hers, Clarke felt herself tighten and pulsate around his cock, while he twitched and spilled into her. 

When they were done, Clarke noticed she was shaking, and she looked up to find Bellamy crying a little. She didn’t need Bellamy to say he loved her. At that moment, she could see it clear as day. But knowing him, he needed to hear it from her. 

“I love you,” she whispered, her hands finding his face and wiping his tears away. 

Bellamy nodded before he pulled out and rolled onto his back, “sorry,” he said, “I just got caught up.” 

“Me, too,” Clarke said, laughing and patting him on the stomach before declaring, “we are  _ definitely  _ doing that again.” 

“Oh, we’re _definitely_ doing a lot of things,” Bellamy said, and as he stared at her, Clarke felt a tongue lick over her already sensitive slit. 

“Oh, my  _ god _ ,” she breathed, falling back as she felt him thinking about eating her out. As his lips sealed over her nipple, and his hand palmed her other breast, she anchored her fingers in his hair, “Bellamy... that’s not fair!”

Lifting his head, he leaned his forehead against hers, “love isn’t about being fair,” he said, “but I’ll stop if you want me to.” 

“You better not,” she laughed, her mind unable to focus on anything other him pleasing her with his thoughts. 

Clarke woke the next morning to a plate of veggies and fruit sitting next to her and a small glass of milk. Giving it a sniff, she quickly pulled back. It smelled tangy and a little sour. She’d never tasted milk in her life, but she’d always been told it was healthy, so she went for it, draining the cup in one big gulp. 

Shaking with mild disgust, she went for the water cup and cleansed her palate. After finishing the veggies, she went for the fruit, which was delightful, “good,” Bellamy said, appearing at the doorway, wearing pants that did him all sorts of favors and donning a shirt that was only partially buttoned, “I have a surprise for you.” 

“What?” Clarke asked as the man approached her, “breakfast was plenty of a surprise.” 

“Nope,” he teased, crawling up the bed and kissing her until she let out a contented sigh, “there will never be enough surprises or presents for you, babe.” 

Clarke felt her chest swell at his words. She couldn’t help but love the nickname, “okay then, where are my clothes.” 

“It’s just us, you don’t need any,” he teased. 

“Haha,” Clarke said, dryly. Kissing him one more time, she pushed him off her, “of course I do. What if someone comes through the anomaly, I’d rather our friends not find me being the Eve to your Adam, Bellamy.” 

As she rooted around for her shirt, she couldn’t seem to find it, “I’m doing laundry,” Bellamy said before he offered his button-up, “here.” 

Well, Clarke couldn’t help but feel special as she slipped it on. As they made their way to the front door, Bellamy looked giddy with excitement, “I may have gotten up way too early and waited way too late to wake you. But I wanted it to be done.” 

“Alright...” she said, as he covered her eyes and walked her outside.

“You can open them.” 

Clarke opened her eyes to see a swing on the porch. It could easily hold her and Bellamy if they wanted, but the vision that filled her mind was of something else; Madi playing soccer with her friends, a village in the distance, farms that would belong to all their friends and family, and maybe there would be a child, too. One with her eyes and his freckles and hair.

“It’s for you... if you need air,” he said sheepishly. 

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, and Clarke turned to find him staring down at her. Suddenly waves of emotion crashed over her as she remembered the last time they stood like this, by the rover as he promised her nothing would happen to them.

“I’m just thinking about how I want to bring our family back here. All of them.” 

At that, Bellamy wrapped his arm around her and sighed, “I know,” he said, kissing her on the temple, “You’ll see Madi again, I promise you that.” 

And for the first time since Clarke’s wound had healed, they spent the day together cuddled up and completely at ease. 

**Author's Note:**

> I am aware that there is a fic similar in its soulmate/touch device, that was written for an earlier season. I have been prompted this, and have no intention of taking or replicating any ideas. I will say, I have tried to find the fic to link it as "inspired by" to give it its due, but I can't seem to find it. I do apologize for that.


End file.
